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Monday, March 23, 2009

Cutting the "Junk" out of Junk Food.

My family husband is a junk food junkie.  Our grocery list routinely states "Candy for Randy".  It is like a staple at the top of the list: Milk, eggs, butter, candy.  I always feel a little odd when the cashier unearths these items.   Hidden under a mass of nutrition from the other end of the spectrum: Organic, organic, milk, milk, milk, organic, produce, produce, orange slices, sour cherry balls, anise dolls, organic, organic, produce...  I try to avoid eye contact.

Then there is the immediate foraging for snacks upon entering the door after a long days work.  After a quick greeting it is straight for the chips!  He will easily consume an entire bag in one sitting, before dinner.   We, he, was going through three or four bags of potato chips a week.  Concerned this may not be the ideal choice, I switched his snacking from conventional greasy potato chips to organic tortilla chips.  Still not exactly healthy, but better I thought.  This was the routine for several months.

Now I have reached the point where I am tired of spending the nearly $3.00 per bag and sick of throwing all those bags away.  Think of all the money and waste we would save by making our own snacks!




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Thursday, March 5, 2009

Raising Poultry Successfully - Chapter 3

Chapter 3
RAISING BROILER-FRYERS FOR MEAT

Raising broiler-fryers for meat provides a quick return on your money, time, and effort.  With the right variety of chickens, the right feed, and correct care, you can aim for a 4-pound bird on 8 pounds of feed in 8 weeks.  You can figure that a 4-pound bird dressed will yield about 3 pounds of delicious meat (this includes bone).

WHAT IS INVOLVED?
First, you are going to have to decide whether you want to start with eggs that you incubate yourself, or whether you want to start with day-old chicks.  If you are going to incubate the eggs, you will have to purchase an incubator and a candling device, or locate some broody hens and make a candling device yourself.

Then you will have to decide which breed to raise, and order either eggs or the chicks.

Before those eggs or chicks arrive, you need to build a chicken house, either from scratch or by renovating an existing building.  You will have to equip it with feeders, waters, and a heat source.  Next, you need to lay in a source of feed.  Then, you will finally be ready for those chicks or eggs to arrive.  But, it really isn't as much work as it sounds.

STARTING YOUR BROILER-FRYER FLOCK
The best time to start your flock is from March until June.  Then the weather is on your side.  Day-old chicks, whether you buy them live or incubate them yourself, will need a source of heat for the first 6 to 8 weeks of their lives.  Your costs will be lower if you wait for the warm weather.  Although in this day and age, raising broilers commercially is a year-round business, you will need all the help you can get from Mother Nature.  If you live in the Sunbelt, buy your eggs or chicks in March or April.  If you are located in the North, wait until May or June to begin your flock.

INCUBATING EGGS VERSUS BUYING DAY-OLD CHICKS
How do you want to start the flock?  Do you want to incubate the eggs yourself, or do you want to start with day-old chicks?

The incubation process takes 21 days and is full of perils, whether you use natural incubation methods (setting the eggs under a broody hen) or artificial incubation (in a relatively low-cost incubator).

First, there is the problem of obtaining hatching eggs of the breed of chicken that you want.  Unless you live within a reasonable driving distance of a hatchery that will sell fertile eggs of the variety you desire, the eggs will be shipped to you via Air Parcel Post.  The shipping costs will be more expensive than for live chicks as 1 egg weighs more than 1 day-old chick.

Only a small number of hatcheries that do sell eggs for incubating only will sell them in minimum lots of 50 or 100.  All of the hatcheries that sell hatching eggs issue a disclaimer that they will not guarantee either the fertility or hatchability of the eggs.  In contrast, any reputable hatcher will guarantee 100 percent live arrival of baby chicks, or refund your money.

Hatcheries that do sell fertile eggs and will ship them, charge from $.50 to $1.00 per egg, with no guarantee of results.  I have had the personal experience of having only 50 percent of the eggs I incubated hatch out.  The national average for successful hatching is about 60 percent, although the makers of artificial incubators claim an average of up to 70 percent hatching success with their machines.  I know of some small-flock poultry farmers who have experienced total failure in incubating eggs.  Twenty-one days of anxious care and then, zilch!

If you want to put meat on your table in as short a time as possible, you will want to start with day-old chicks.  If you order from a reputable source, your chicks are guaranteed to arrive alive.  And you will avoid the expense of incubating machines and the fuss of watching over the incubation process.

There is, however, 1 strong reason to consider incubating eggs.  Although the incubation process, whether by natural or artificial means, seems like a big hassle, I would like to say that it is not my intention to discourage anyone from incubating eggs.  Although it is usually touted as a good project for rural children, 4H club members, Future Farmers of America, and science classes, there is no reason an adult cannot enjoy the experience of incubating eggs.  The miracle of birth never ceases to amaze and delight me, whether it's the birth of a chick, duckling, gosling, turkey poult, piglet, lamb, calf, or colt.

Whether you are incubating or starting with chicks, if you are a beginner, I suggest you start with 25 broiler-type chicks.  This means that to be on the safe side, you will need 4 dozen fertile eggs, assuming that about 60 percent of them will hatch out live.  Four dozen fertile eggs, at the minimum price, will cost about $12.00 with no guarantees.  You can buy 25 day-old broiler chicks for about $14.25, guaranteed live arrival at your local post office.  Be sure the fertile eggs you buy are for meat birds.  A Cornish-Rock cross is recommended.

It is my intention to provide alternatives.  If you are on of those people who are in a hurry to put meat on the table, stay tuned for buying broiler-fryer chicks.  Otherwise, tune in next week to read about incubating eggs.


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Wednesday, March 4, 2009

Getting "on" with it.


On the to do list:  Order seeds!

On the grocery list:  Granola

On the shopping list:  Bird Seed

On the wish list:  Worm Factory

On the night-stand:  "In Defense of Food" by Michael Pollan


On the stove:  "Turkey" Noodle Soup

On the cooling rack:  Homemade Crackers

On ice:  Strawberry Freezer Jam

On the jukebox:  Frank Sinatra

On the basement clothesline: Darks

On the sewing table:  Christmas Decorations  ...still.

On the computer:  FreeTwitterDesigner.com

On the calendar:  Green Drinks

On the agenda:  Meetings, Meetings, Meetings!

On my mind:  Spring


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Tuesday, March 3, 2009

The plain enemy

Hello Greeen Sheeepers.  I have kidnapped this blog out of sheer desperation.  I am concerned about my wife.  You see, her behavior has changed dramatically in the last few years.  The woman who was once an animal eating, SUV driving "normal" person has turned into something else.  She says she has gone "green".  I believe it is something more sinister.  Something so dark and so disturbing that I am fearful of even talking to you about here on these electronic pages.  The boundless love for my wife pushes me on however.  Dear readers, be warned.  Look long and hard into your souls and consider your own fate before deciding to read further.  The evil forces at work may look in your direction next. 

I do not believe my wife has gone green...I believe she has gone...Amish.

That's right.  She has fallen  victim to Mennonite Mendunugu magic! 

Before you dismiss me as a crazy, insane, mad, demented, deranged, unbalanced, unhinged, mental, dotty, crack-brained, out to lunch, bananas, cuckoo, dippy, batty, daffy, loony, absurd, foolish, nonsensical, inane, ridiculous, preposterous, laughable, ludicrous, asinine, stupid, harebrained, out to lunch screw ball hater of the plain people who's cheese has slipped off their cracker, nut job, let me present my evidence:


Just a few short years ago, this was my wife.  A snowmobile racing, demolition derby driving, environment killer.  (Damn I loved that)!  Then one shadowy day things changed.  

She announced that she would no longer be using any chemicals in the house for cleaning.  I found this rather odd.  She explained that they were harmful to your health.  I rebutted as any good Republican would  that large corporations would not harm people just to make a few billion dollars. This had no effect. (The Amish infection had already taken hold). So what will we be cleaning with?  She proudly proclaimed that we would only be using vinegar!  I was confused, but seeing the proverbial writing on the wall agreed. (But only after she explained how much money it would save us).  Every day since, I come home to a house that smells like someone just got done canning pickles. 

That is a great segue to my next piece of proof.  Soon she is turning the back yard into an organic garden. (Again with the whole no-chemical business).  And what are we going to do with all of this bounty of nature?  Can it of course.  Well at least if the house is going to smell like pickles, I may actually get to eat one.  A garden needs fertilizer.  So naturally a compost pile was next to rear it's egg shell and banana peel encrusted head. 

The no chemical illness next manifested itself in the form of aversion to known bodily hygiene products.  Suddenly deodorant, soaps, and shampoos were replaced by A Dr. Bronner and his "magic" hemp oil elixir.  Even shaving cream became a victim of the good doctor.  Next the razors themselves fell prey. Exchanged for some archaic metal contraption that appears to eat the blade.  It wasn't long before deodorant fell under her scrutiny.  Good bye Secret and your powder fresh scent, hello Arm and Hammer and your...powder.  And if you don't think it could get any weirder than that...it did.  She may not enjoy me sharing this with you, but I will anyway.  She started making her own "feminine hygiene products" out of felt or something...I don't know...they are purple and kind of fuzzy.  I try not to touch them.

The move to Amishness started speeding up as the summer grew hotter.  The Maytag Neptune dryer that was once her prized possession was now an object of wasteful disdain.  Our clothes now dried non-pollutingly in the wind like sun dried nuts. And were nearly as crunchy.   But summer drew to an end as it has an annoying habit of doing.  The clothes had to move to new accommodations in the basement.  If she gets her Christmas gift request they will be joined there by a worm composter.  One can only dream.

As the cold Wisconsin winter settled in, the old fuel oil furnace in the basement came to the chopping block.  Lacking the funds to replace it with a geothermal unit the only course of action was to turn the thermostat down to 55 degrees.  If we had a fireplace, I can assure you I would be getting real familiar with an axe.  

As winter begins its slow retreat we start to dream of spring.  While most peoples heads are filled with visions of beaches and boats.  My newly Amish wife can only think of replacing my riding lawn mower with a goat.  

All electrical appliances are now plugged into power strips that must be shut off when said appliance is not being used.  Curtains are opened and lights are not turned on during the day.  I know in the deepest regions of my heart that the day is not far off when the electricity is gone forever.

I was finally compelled to face this evil menace when I discovered her making butter in the kitchen.  She was using a Kitchen Aid mixer, but the vision of her not behind the wheel of a derby car but behind a butter churn was disturbingly easy to conjure.  Do not fail to head this warning.  The threat is real.  Don't let hard work and polite manners of the Amish fool you. They exist only to lure in new members under a green guise.  


Amish Paradise - Watch more funny videos here

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Monday, March 2, 2009

What, no bacon?


This week at The Green Phone Booth the family and I embark on a meatless Lenten journey.  Blazing blindly down a trail we have yet to travel, I ponder "What will we eat?".  Feel free to leave any vegetarian tips, links, or recipes in the comments.  Preferably non-pasta!  We already eat a lot of it and I fear we will be on pasta overload at the end of our forty day fast.

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Friday, February 27, 2009

Strange side effects of life at 55...


Degrees.

In an effort to curb our atrocious fuel oil consumption, mostly to reign in the exorbitant bill that inevitably comes with it, I set our thermostat at 55 degrees back in November and we have been freezing our buns off ever since.  Okay not really, but keeping our house at a constant cool 55 degrees in Wisconsin has brought about some unexpected side effects.


1.  Your plants die.
Apparently there is a reason palm trees grow in tropical regions.  Sadly, my 8 foot palm tree is half dead.  I should have pulled it into the interior of the house, but the solarium receives the most light.  I guess it needed warmth and light.  I am not sure it is going to survive the winter.

2.  Bread never rises.
Proofing dough requires warmth.  We have none, or at least very little.  Baking bread was a laborious weekend long project.  I would follow the sun; moving my bowl of dough from room to room, letting it rest on the floor in a sunny spot.  Eventually, it would end up overnight in the upstairs bathroom, seemingly the warmest place in the house.  Until you stepped out of the shower that is.  Holy sh*t it's cold in here!  Luckily, Santa brought me a bread machine for Christmas.

3. Room temperature butter.
Nearly all baking calls for room temperature butter.  Just whose room are they referring to?  Obviously not mine.  Room temperature butter in this house is still rock hard.  Frustrating to a budding baker who spends hour after hour asking, "Is this soft enough?".  Three hours is about as patient as she can be.  Her cookies always taste good, they just come out a little flat.

4.  Friends and family come equipped with their own slippers.
On the rare occasion someone is actually brave enough to visit you in "Siberia", they bring half their bedroom with them.  It did not take long for our family to start showing up with slippers in tow.  We do not wear shoes in the house, but several pair of socks and slippers are a must to prevent frostbite on your little piggies.

5.  Athletes foot.
This is something you would expect in much warmer temperatures.  All those socks and slippers I referred to above?  Pair that with leaping from the shower and getting dressed in less than 30 seconds.  Does not leave a whole lot of time for drying off.  My feet go directly from shower to socks and stay there indefinitely until the next shower.  So yeah, athletes foot.

6.  Clothes can be "forgotten" in the washer without becoming "funky".
You know what I am talking about.  You do a load of laundry late in the evening and are too tired/lazy to hang it.  I'll get it in the morning.  Morning comes and you forget all about it.  Two days later you open the washer to throw in a load and eww... What's that smell?  Funky clothes.  Damn.  Oh contrare monfrare!  Not in a cold house.  Clothes can sit in there for days without acquiring a musty smell.  Much like food in the refrigerator.

7.  Your washer freezes, along with the clothes in it.
Our laundry room is also our mud-room and entry to the house.  It is a small enclosed heated porch, but not insulated.  The only heat vent is directly beside the washer, about an inch away.  Last year this was never a problem, but then our thermostat was set slightly higher at 62.  Felt cold then, would be a heat wave now.  At 55, our furnace does not run nearly as much, which is the point, but on really cold days the washer will freeze.  Luckily we have had no accidents or broken pipes, only a few giggles when pulling frozen underwear from the washer.

8.  There is no need to apply blush.
My cheeks maintain a youthful rosy glow from the chill in the air.  I'm not just talking about the ones on my face either.  My hands, on the other hand, ha ha are an eery shade of purple.  Like a corpse, but that is another story.

9.  Steam rises from my Diva Cup.
Strange, but true.  That actually happened once and it totally freaked me out.  A sudden drop of 43 degrees and you can visibly see the temperature change.  Just like seeing your breath on a cold winter day.

10.  You are either asked, "Are you leaving?" or "Did I wake you?".
We dress in layers, lots of layers.  On any given day I am wearing long underwear, socks, jeans, multiple shirts, sweatshirt or down vest, fingerless gloves, scarf, and fleece jacket.  And of course, slippers.  But, that goes without saying.  Inevitably, surprise guests think I am on my way out.  Or, on really cold days we can be seen wandering around the house all hours in a bathrobe (over our layers clothes).  They really hold the heat in.

No, I've been up for hours.  Come on in - hope you brought your slippers.


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Monday, February 23, 2009

Photosmart? Yes, indeed.


This Monday at The Green Phone Booth I discuss the purgatory of PH (Printing Hell) and a few surprises from HP (Hewlett-Packard).  Did you know printers now come with instructions on how to be green?  Now if they only told us how to make the damn thing work.

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